


fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 2

by primreceded



Category: Supernatural RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-14
Updated: 2010-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:01:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primreceded/pseuds/primreceded





	fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 2

The days go by quickly and Jensen feels himself getting more and more anxious as they do. He’s snappy when he really shouldn’t be, and finds that there are moments when he doesn’t want to get out of bed. There’s a particular afternoon, only a couple of days before Jared has to leave, when Jensen finds himself alone in the apartment because Jared left after Jensen yelled at him about leaving the jar lid loose on the mayonnaise. He’s sitting at the dining table, still in his pajamas. He hasn’t shaved and he stinks and just feels really fucking pathetic.

The dogs are gone, off with Jared where ever he went and it hits Jensen that this is how it’s going to be when Jared is gone. He’s going to be alone and miserable if he continues to allow himself to act like this. And he just. He really doesn’t want to. He knew it was going to be hard but he can’t allow himself to _wallow_ , not this deeply and sure as hell not before Jared is even gone because it’ll be a quick trip to the end of their relationship, much faster than if they allow the distance to get to them. And goddamn it, but Jensen is a grown man, he shouldn‘t be acting this way.

Determined to fix things he gets up and heads to his bedroom where he gets some fresh clothes before stripping out of his pajamas and getting into the shower. The water is warm and soothing and he takes his time to soap up and rinse off all of the dirt and clean his hair. By the time he steps out he feels much better and once he’s clean shaven and has his teeth brushed he’s pretty much back to his old self.

When Jared comes home around noon he seems surprised to see Jensen dressed, treads carefully around him as he comes into the kitchen to fill the dogs dishes and get himself a bottle of water. Jensen puts a stop to that right quick by kissing him. Jared doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back and that releases a tension that Jensen didn’t know he was holding until it wasn’t there anymore.

He pulls back after a moment, licking his lips. Jared stands by the fridge watching him, a smile trying to tug up the corner of his lips but his eyes are confused.

“We need to talk,” Jensen says and Jared visibly stiffens, which makes Jensen ache a little bit. “No, it’s nothing bad, Jay. I just wanted to apologize for being an ass the last few weeks.”

“Oh,” Jared says relaxing. “Apology accepted.”

Jensen barks out a laugh because it would be that easy for Jared, wouldn’t it? He looks up at Jensen, hurt in his eyes and Jensen kisses him again because he’s just so damn _stupid_.

“You’re gonna be gone soon, and I’m going to be stuck here alone, and I don’t even have a job, to fill my time. And it just kind of hit me that in a couple of days you’re not going to be here, and I thought I was okay with that but I just shut down.

“And it’s not your fault,” he says when he sees Jared trying to protest, “Of course it isn’t your fault, but I just got so used to having you around and… having you. And I know we talked about it and I said it was okay, but it’s not.”

“I don’t know what to say, Jense. I can’t back out now --”

“And I don’t want you to, God no, Jared, I would never ask you to do that.” Jensen shakes his head and stands there quietly for a moment, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“I want this for you,” he says finally. “You deserve the career you’ve always wanted and I’m never going to want to hold you back from that.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Jared’s voice is quiet and he’s staring at Jensen’s feet and not his face and Jensen’s heart breaks just a bit.

“No, I’m breaking up with the idea of keeping you in my bed forever,” he says. “I wasn’t lying when I told you that we would be okay, when I said we could make it work. I wanted to believe it so badly, but I guess I didn’t and, well, you know. I lashed out and took it out on you when you didn’t deserve it,” he swallows hard and steps forward to draw Jared into his arms.

“But I really do think now we’ll be fine. It’s me and you and we’ve always worked and I don’t know why I thought now would be any different. So I’m sorry I acted like an asshole and that I ever doubted, and I really do hope you can forgive me for it.”

Jared hugs him tight, buries his face in the crook of Jensen’s neck and lets out a wet shuddering breath. “You really are a moron,” he says.

“I know.”

“You could have just come to me, Jensen,” Jared pulls back, holds him at arms length and shakes him a little, causing a startled chuckle to slip from Jensen’s lips. “We’re in this together, you know? And I know we don’t agree on… some things, but that doesn’t mean I’m not all in. We’ll never make it if you shut me out.”

“I know, Jay. I’m really sorry,” and Jensen maybe kind of hates himself a little bit, too, for being so selfish. He’s effectively ruined what little time they had together before Jared left by being a dick and made Jared disappointed in him. Jared sighs before reeling him in again and squeezing him tight.

“You’re lucky you’re so hot,” he says. Jensen grins where he’s pressed up against Jared’s chest and just holds on.

 

 

Jensen helps Jared pack his bags, helps him load them up into the car and goes for the trolley when they get to the airport. He’s pretty much doing it all on autopilot and he scolds himself a few times for acting like a teenage girl, but he’s also excited. He’s read the script, this movie could be amazing for Jared if things go the way they should, and anyway, they’ve talked it over and Jensen has plans on visiting Jared in a month when things have smoothed themselves out on set.

It’s still tough to say goodbye, though.

“We’ll be okay, Jen,” Jared tells him and Jensen’s happy that it actually is reassuring when he says it. Jensen nods and smiles at him before reaching out to shake his hand. Jared takes it before pulling him into a hug and Jensen relishes it as much as he can in a packed airport. And anyway, it’s not like it’s the first time they’ve ever done anything like this, or that it would be the first time there would be paparazzi pictures of them doing it.

“I love you,” Jared whispers against his neck. And okay that’s something that’s never happened before. “And I kind of really want to kiss you right now.”

He pulls away, though, and tosses Jensen a grin and Jensen doesn’t allow himself to feel disappointed. He says, “I love you, too,” though and Jared’s grin gets wider.

Jared slaps him on the arm, gives him a light squeeze and then he’s turning to head to the terminal and Jensen watches until he can’t see him anymore.

The apartment is predictably empty when Jensen gets back and he lets himself have an hour of moping before he’s up again and making himself some lunch. He sends Jared a text that he doesn’t expect a reply from for a while, his phone most likely turned off until he lands in L.A., and he settles in front of the television to enjoy his sandwich.

After flicking through the television he finally settles on a movie and lays down to watch. He doesn’t remember falling asleep but he must have because when he wakes up the lighting in the room has changed and whatever he’d been watching has long gone off, leaving a rerun of Golden Girls in its place. He has no idea what woke him up in the first place until his phone beeps again and he realizes he’s got a text message.

He grabs it from the coffee table and flicks through until he gets to his inbox, grinning when he sees that it’s from Jared.

_Made it! Miss you!_

He hit’s the reply button but another message comes through and he goes to read that first.

_Love you_

He thinks this must be something they’re going to be saying to each other all the time now and he has no problem with it. He’s been in love with Jared Padalecki for years now and he’s got so many I love you’s stored up he should probably be embarrassed by how often he wants to say it, but he’s not. He’s been biting his tongue for too long and now that he’s free to say it whenever the hell he wants to (in certain situations, of course) he’s going to. He’s earned it, dammit.

He goes back to his draft and starts in on his reply.

_Miss and love you too, don’t forget the little people now that you’re a big Hwood star_

He hits send and turns off the television and then the lights as he makes his way through the apartment to his bedroom. He’s getting into his pajamas when his phone beeps again but he waits until he’s finished getting ready for bed and climbing under the sheets before he checks it. He does have _some_ self-control, okay?

He bypasses the message and just flips through his contacts until he gets to Jared's name. It's only around seven in California and obviously Jared is still up, so he hits send and listens to the phone ringing on the other end. It only gets through one before Jared's answering, grin evident in his voice.

"We're a couple of chicks, man," he says and Jensen laughs. They really are.

"Your flight okay?"

Jensen hears some shuffling around, maybe the covers being pulled back and then the mattress squeaking as Jared sits and shifts on the bed. He's probably jet lagged, it's been a while since either of them have flown anywhere and he's most likely out of practice.

"Yeah it was fine, you know how it is. Harley got a little sick but he's okay now," Jared says and Jensen frowns. It's not just the people who haven't flown in a while, and it's probably been even longer since the dogs have been on a plane since Jared doesn't usually like them flying.

He makes sympathetic noises into the phone and Jared tells him to hold on while he puts it up to Harley's ear. Jensen laughs but tells the brute hello anyway, and does the same for Sadie when it's her turn.

"You're such a dork," he says to Jared when he gets back on.

"You miss your kids, don't even try it."

"Yeah, all three of them," Jensen replies Jared chuckles before yawning loudly. "You tired?"

"Guess so. I hate flying, it always fucks me up."

"Yeah, but you’re in your own house, and at least you don't have to go anywhere for the movie, right? Not until promotion time, anyway."

Jared hums and the conversation lapses after that, Jared's breathing evening out and Jensen feels his own eyes start to get heavy in the comfortable silence.

"Jense?"

Jared's voice draws him out of his sleepy haze and he scrubs a hand over his eyes.

"Yeah?"

Jared doesn't answer for a long time and Jensen wonders if maybe he fell asleep, but then he clears his throat and finally answers.

"Nothin', never mind. I should go, early start tomorrow."

"Okay," Jensen says. He doesn't really think it's nothing but he won't push Jared; he'll tell him in his own time if there is something bothering him.

"Okay,” Jared repeats and Jensen hears him shuffling again, probably burrowing under the blankets and then there’s the sound of a light clicking off. Jensen can imagine him lying in his bed, blankets pulled up to his chin and sleepy. "Call me tomorrow?"

"You know I will," Jensen says. They say goodbye and exchange I love you's and then Jensen is hanging up. The silence is pretty loud after that but he tries not to let it get to him. He tries really damn hard.

 

In the morning Jensen goes for a run on the beach. It’s probably only the third or fourth time he’s been there since moving to Miami, which is weird because it’s not really that far from his apartment, and it’s not that he’s never had the time to go, it just hasn’t been something that particularly interested him. But it’s a nice warm day and the ocean brings in a cool breeze that dries the sweat on his skin, the wet sand providing enough traction to really work the muscles in his legs and he makes a mental note to tell Jared about it, thinks maybe they could go for runs together when he gets back home.

Afterward he goes home and hops into the shower where he rinses off the sweat and sand, jerks off in rough, slippery pulls until he comes all over the tile with Jared’s name on his lips. After he gets out and dries off, wraps the towel around his waist and then pads out into the living room where he sits himself on the couch. He thumbs through the contacts on his cell phone until he reaches one he hasn’t thought about calling in a long time.

“ _What?”_

The voice on the end comes through harried and angry and Jensen pulls the phone away from his ear to give a questioning look at it.

“You’re answering your own phone now?”

“Jensen?”

It’s been almost a year since Jensen has spoken to anyone working at Hadley Management, and he’s surprised that Laurel remembers who he is. He wouldn’t have been upset if she hadn’t, after the way he’d left her last summer.

“Yeah, Laurel, hey. How are things?”

“I’m answering my own phone, Jensen, how do you think things are?” He hears her curse and the loudness from the agency suddenly quiets and he guesses she must have gone into her office.

“Finally some peace,” she says with a sigh. “So, am I correct in assuming that this call is so that you can grovel and beg me to take you back?”

“Well, actually yeah, that’s kind of exactly why I’m calling.”

He’s suddenly nervous, afraid that she’ll tell him no or hang up on him. It’s not like Hollywood is a small pond, but he’s not exactly a big fish either and since the last acting gig he had was portraying a scarecrow for a small Texas town’s theatre troupe, he really doubts anyone will be all that interested in him. And he really needs a manager for what he wants to do, because god knows he has no idea where to begin.

“I should make you squirm,” she says and Jensen grunts in agreement. “But I won’t. Matter of fact I might have something for you.”

Jensen’s heart speeds up as he listens to her shuffle through papers, wondering what she’s got. Not that it matters because he’s pretty sure he’d stand out on the sidewalk in a hot dog costume if she asked him. She makes an aha! noise and gets back on the line.

“I’ll tell you now it’s not going to be glamorous, and you’ll be lucky if they even bother keeping your part in, but it’s something and a step back in the right direction.”

“I really appreciate it,” he tells her.

“Don’t thank me yet, I’m putting your ass on probation. You do this and you don’t cause any problems, then maybe I’ll start shopping you out again.”

“That sounds… fair,” Jensen says and it does and he has no right to expect anything more from her.

“Damn right, it sounds fair. Give me your information and I’ll get everything sent out.”

He rattles off what she needs to know and turns on the fax machine. He stands there watching the papers coming through with an excited thrill running through him. When the final paper shoots into the trey he collects them all and goes to sit back on the couch.

“Look them over, don’t even think that you can demand any changes, sign what you need to and bring them with you when you come to the office. You’ll need to audition of course, I can get you in the door but if you want the part you’ll have to work for it.”

“Of course. And thanks Laurel,” he says, grinning down at the small pile of papers in his lap. “It really means a lot you’re giving me a second chance.”

“You’re just another percentage, Jensen,” she says matter of factly. After a moment she sighs and says “Welcome back,” almost reluctantly, before hanging up in his ear.

He flips his phone closed, ignoring how rude she was by hanging up in his ear and figures that’s the least amount of abuse he could take after this. He flips past the contracts and standard forms he needs to fill out, and pulls out the script. The cover page tells him it’s an episode of one of the (too) many Law & Order spin offs and his character, a “hardened cop” named Trip is brought in to help out on a case.

Sounds easy enough, and he doesn‘t have that many lines or scenes. Something which would have bothered him a long time ago but he needs _simple_ to ease him back into it, and really, after spending five years playing one of only two regular leads, a dozen or so lines and scenes that can be finished shooting in a week are a welcome relief.

He makes a quick trip into his bedroom for some clothes and then grabs himself a sandwich before settling into the couch with his script. It might not be the greatest example of writing prowess and he can’t quite figure out what his character’s supposed to be feeling, but beggars can’t be choosers. It doesn’t take long to get through the script, and when he finishes he feels pretty comfortable with the whole thing.

He’s mainly hoping to work his way back into Laurel’s good graces because he needs help. While he still loves acting, he wants to be able to do something else; to let out his own creativity without having to bring to life other people’s words and thoughts. Ever since he directed the hundredth episode of Supernatural he’s wanted to get back behind the camera, to feel again what he had when he brought their world to life from a different angle. There’s also another, bigger reason, that he hasn’t quite admitted to himself yet, that makes him want to change gears, and in due time he‘d like to be able to get there. And since he has no idea where to start he figures a manager, one that he can trust and who isn‘t pissed off at him, is as much of a beginning as any.

There’s a date and time scribbled on the cover sheet and Jensen logs online to book a flight to California in two days. He considers calling Jared once he’s got his ticket printed up but figures maybe he’ll surprise him instead. Or maybe not tell him at all, it’s not really a big deal. He’ll probably only be in LA himself for a week, maybe two and it’s not like the two of them will have much time together with Jared filming a movie. Jensen could fly out, do his thing, and then head back to Miami to start planning and Jared wouldn’t really be any wiser, or need to be. But Jensen doesn’t want to keep anything from him and figures Jared might be upset if he went and didn’t even tell him that he was in the neighborhood. And of course he’d love to see Jared again. And _Christ_ , he‘s acting like an idiot.

Making up his mind he heads to the bedroom to start packing.


End file.
